


Babysitting Koopas for Dummies

by FierySprites



Series: The Many Ways V3 Could’ve Gone Wrong [6]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crossover, Dub Terms, Family, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Mild Language, One-Shot, POV First Person, Pre-Super Mario Odyssey, Spoilers for Chapter 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FierySprites/pseuds/FierySprites
Summary: Bowser has a predicament: he’s about to go through withhis latest kidnapping stint, but his children are too rambunctious to be left alone. Doing a little research on the Internet (somehow) leads him to the discovery of sixteen hyper-talented students, including an ‘Ultimate Maid’ and an ‘Ultimate Child Caretaker’.You can probably guess the rest from here.(A crack crossover betweenSuper Mario Bros.andDanganronpa V3: Killing Harmony. Takes place midway into DRV3’s first chapter, and right before the events of Super Mario Odyssey.)





	Babysitting Koopas for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> For the _Danganronpa_ universe, this fic is set midway through Chapter 1 of _Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony,_ the morning after the reveal of the first motive.
> 
> For the _Mario_ universe, this fic is set immediately before the events of _Super Mario Odyssey._ Bowser has yet to kidnap Peach as of this point in time.
> 
> No major spoilers for _Super Mario Odyssey_ are featured in this chapter; by contrast, there _are_ specific character spoilers past Chapter 2 of _Danganronpa V3_ (you know the one I’m referring to).

**[Kaede]**

**Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles  
Dormitory – Kaede’s Room**

**_Ding dong, bing bong!_ **

The televised announcement woke me up from my slumber. Only Monodam was on-screen this time, being as silent as ever – and that was just fine by me.

 _It’s already morning, huh…?_ I thought, laying in my bed. _A part of me wishes I had gotten a better night’s sleep, but… I can’t stop thinking about yesterday’s conversation._

We’ve only been here a couple of days, me and all the other Ultimates our mysterious captor(s) have gathered, but… I know that I already hate it here. What Monokuma wants from us—for all of us to start murdering each other in cold blood… it’s despicable. We’d never do something like that. We’re friends!

…or, at least, I’d _like_ for that to be the case. But the sixteen of us have only known each other for a short time… and I don’t have enough information about everyone to really confidently say that’ll be the case.

And that’s not even mentioning that one of us might be the mastermind behind this whole thing to begin with…

I want to believe in Monokuma being gone for good after the Exisals accidentally blew him up yesterday, or in somebody— _anybody—_ intervening at the last second and getting us out of this nightmare. But that’s wishful thinking. And while I’m pretty optimistic about a lot of things… there’s not enough evidence to suggest either of those possibilities are the truth here.

I clasped my hands to my cheeks to try and shake myself out of this. _You can think about that later, Kaede. You’ve gotta keep your hopes up! We’ll escape from here, together—and nobody will have to die for it. You have to believe in that!_

…I wonder what everyone else is doing right now. Are they already at the dining hall?

“I guess I should go for now,” I said to myself, still staring up at the ceiling. Slowly, I dragged myself out of bed, and walked over to the restroom to get my daily routine done, at the very least. Maybe, with luck, Monokuma will actually be destroyed for good… though a part of me really, _really_ doubts it.

* * *

Several minutes later…

**First Floor – Cafeteria**

…I was right to have doubt, unfortunately.

Like an out-of-tune piano, Monokuma came back—with this really terrible ‘cosplay’—while we were all eating some of Kirumi’s breakfast – and with the Monokubs, they ended doing this… super grating skit. At this point, I’m pretty sure that their creators designed them with the intent of infuriating literally everyone on the planet—but this is just… going too far! It’s like they’ve forgotten we’re even _here! **Ugh!**_

…that might be a good thing, now that I think about it—maybe we can just leave while they’re not paying attention…

Panting, and with a ton of sweat (somehow), Monokuma explained, “When I see you guys, I just get so excited until I can’t take it anymore. _You guys are so **cute!”**_ I beg to differ! _“Gosh, I just wanna see what your parents look like!”_ And then he realized—“Wait, _I’m_ your parents!”

Tsumugi looked physically sickened. “I… I’m… Sorry, I can’t react to this… I’m in too much shock,” she admitted. “Does this mean… the killing game is going to continue?”

I was half-expecting it and all—but even still, the idea of having to keep participating in this twisted killing game… it made me break out in a cold sweat. “C-Continue…?” I stammered out with a cold flinch. “The killing game… is gonna continue…?”

“What a pain…” Himiko groaned.

“That’s not the problem, donkey face!” Miu interrupted her.

Kokichi looked comically miserable. If I didn’t know any better (and I might not, anyway), I’d think he was about to cry. “Wh-What do you mean… the killing game… is gonna continue…?” he sniffed. He promptly brightened up (yep, I knew that’d happen). “I mean, that sounds a lot less boring—so I guess it’s okay!”

 _“No, it’s definitely not okay!”_ Tenko protested.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be…” Rantaro sighed. “If we want to end this… we have to take down Monokuma _and_ the person controlling him.”

“I predicted there would be a spare, but I did not expect it to be built within the academy…” Kirumi admitted. “Either way… this development was not surprising.”

“Is that so?” Monokuma looked like he knew something we didn’t. That’s… never a good sign. “Then did you also assume this next _exciting_ development?” He spread out his arms, his grin becoming even more menacing. _“Ahem!_ Now then—I’m pleased to announce an additional motive!”

 _“An additional motive!?”_ I shrieked. _Oh, no! Oh no no no!_

“A time limit is now in effect! If a murder does not occur by nighttime, two days from now… _then every student participating in this killing game **will die!** Mauled to shreds by countless Monokumas from the rumored Monokuma-making machine!_ So unless you want to end up as pink smears, you might wanna take this game _**seriously!** AHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHA!!!”_

**_…WHAT!?_ **

“What? Everyone will _die?”_ Ryoma repeated.

“That’s not fair!” Tenko exclaimed.

“Jeez, why’d you guys even come to this school if you’re not gonna do the killing game?” Monokuma asked us.

“You’re the one that _forced_ us to come here!” Kaito retorted.

“Quick question, Father!” Monotaro jumped up. “What do you mean by ‘countless Monokumas’? I thought we were up once time ran out.”

“Damn right!” Monokid shouted. “Let the Exisals do their thing this time!”

“But… I’d rather not go through that again…” the perverse bear stated. “I’d feel _bad_ if you guys tired yourselves out…”

“But if we let the Exisals get popular, we could have a real cash cow on our hands, y’know?” Monosuke suggested, a wad of fake cash spread out in his paw. “The merchandising rights alone would make us richer than sultans.”

“Hmmmm… sultans, huh? Very tempting, but…” A vein appeared on his forehead. _“I won’t let you kids ruin your futures!”_ he snapped, his arms raised again. “You need to have your own kids and ruin _their_ futures!” _Gee, great priorities there!_

Monophanie started to cry. “D-Daddy…! You love us _so much…!”_

 _Ugh—this has gone on too long!_ **“That’s enough!”** I hollered, doing my best to hold most of my distress in.

“Oh. You’re still here.” _Of course I’m still here!_

“Why are you doing this!?” Keebo demanded. “How much suffering do you want to put us through!?”

“I’m not putting you through suffering,” our captor denied—“it’s _you guys_ who’s putting _yourself_ through the suffering! Sure, I _could_ be one of those classical game-y villains like Bowser, but I’ve got better standards than that! If you want it all the end, start the killing game already! And then you can say bye-bye to _allllllll_ the suffering!” He sniggered. “Working together’s pointless, y’hear? So knock it off already! You’re not gonna break free of this, so do what you’ve gotta do—!”

**_“GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”_ **

_Wha—What the—!?_

**_“Did somebody just page the king of awesome?”_ **

A deep, intensely guttural voice thundered through the room, sounding utterly sure of itself and bringing everyone to a dead silence. It wasn’t a voice I’d ever heard of before—and based on the way we were all glancing at each other and the area around us, I’m willing to bet nobody else here has either.

A sudden boom came from around the cafeteria’s entrance, alerting us all to its presence. None of us dared to speak, in case something else might happen—and it _did;_ the booms increased in both intensity and frequency, leading us to believe that _something_ was coming for us. Several of us (Kaito, Tenko, Gonta… Maki?) got into battle stances; others (Rantaro, Ryoma, Kirumi, Miu) glared at the door, a lot of us were just nervous (me, Shuichi, Tsumugi), and everyone else was… variable, let’s just say. The shockwaves kept going, getting louder and louder, amping up all of our nerves as it did, until—

* * *

_Suddenly, warping through time and space…_

**_King Bowser appears!_ **

* * *

[The doors to the cafeteria _crashed_ open](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwifJRwnbes)—and coming in was this _humongous turtle—dragon— **thing** ,_ getting all up in our faces and having these spikes on his shell and looking more terrifying than even a pissed off Gonta could be! Screams of all kinds bellowed out from Ultimates and Monokubs alike as this _guy_ stomped into our virtual prison, laughing his butt off at our panic.

“BWAHAHAHAHA! Look alive, you pathetic wimps—it is I, Bowser, _Businessman of Legend!_ (…wait, that’s not right)— _I mean,_ I am Bowser, the Remorseless _King of Evil!”_ He pumped a fist up into the air, grinning as widely as his huge mouth would allow. “And buddy, lemme tell you—I’ve got _GREAT_ news for y’all!”

 **King Bowser Koopa  
**Ultimate Princess Kidnapper

 _What. What. What._ What is happening. What is this _._

“What,” I said blankly.

“I—I agree,” Shuichi agreed. “What.”

No, seriously—what is going on??? Can—Can somebody tell me? Because I have absolutely no idea about _anything_ anymore.

 _“It can’t be!”_ Tsumugi cried, her jaw dropped to the floor. “You’re—You’re not supposed to be real! You’re fiction; a _video game character! H-How… How is this…!?”_

“Does it look I care?” Bowser rhetorically asked. “I’m the greatest video game character—no, the greatest video game _villain_ there ever was, bluey! Ganondorf, Dedede, Ridley—nobody else compares to me!”

“Hey, hey, hey— _what the heck are you doing!?”_ Monokuma roared, pointing a claw at Bowser’s face. “If anyone’s going to be the ‘greatest video g’—'greatest _villain_ of all time’, it’s going to be _me!”_

“Yeah, you heard Papa Kuma!” Monokid screeched.

“Youse don’t deserve such a title!” Monosuke shouted.

The intruding king scoffed. “Who are _you_ pipsqueaks, reject Pokémon? If you’re supposed to be going for ‘cute and cuddly’, then you’re terrible at it! You belong more in a black hole than in my glory!”

“HOW _DARE_ YOU!” Monokuma was _pissed_ now: his face was so red and had so many veins, it was… honestly kinda frightening. (I involuntarily shivered. I hope he leaves me outta this!) “You think you can just barge into _my_ killing game and take over? _You’ve got another thing coming!”_ He extended the claws on both of his paws, and they looked _waaaaaay_ too sharp! “I am the _god_ of this world! I refuse to be usurped by a washed-up Final Boss who can’t even kill anyone half the time! Watch this, cubs— _this is how you get things done ‘round here!”_

“Ooh, ooh!” Monotaro was excited. “We’re gonna get to see Father at the top of his game!”

“Oh my!” Monophanie fretted. “This is gonna get nasty…!”

“GWAHAHAHAHAHA!” Bowser laughed at the top of his lungs. “Buddy—you’re _small league_ compared to me! Half the bad guys I know would wreck you in an instant and wouldn’t even give a crap about it! Here! Lemme give you a little KO punch!”

With a mighty(?) scream, the so-called ‘god of this world’ barreled forward, flailing his arms about as if that would give him an advantage. All Bowser did was snort, wind back his fist – and then, to my and everybody else’s shock, he **_smashed_** Monokuma straight out the window at maximum speed. Ours and the Monokubs’ eyes stared widely at the shattered window, watching as the bear hit a nearby wall and slump to the floor, thoroughly out of it.

_H-H-H- **Holy crap!**_

This broke everyone’s silence. Except for Tsumugi, who very much resembled a fish with the way her mouth kept opening and closing. _I’m not gonna actually have to lift her skirt to get her to stop, am I?_

 _“Father! Noooooooooooo!”_ Monotaro shouted.

Monophanie proceeded to barf. (Ew.) Monokid and Monosuke just panicked. Monodam stared blankly.

“I think we’ve just found our new overlord!” Kokichi proudly proclaimed, his eyes sparkling in delight. “All hail the Great King Bowser! All hail!”

“So…” Himiko groaned. “Are we saved? Are we not saved? Are we still playing the game? It’s too tiring for me to figure out which one is right…”

Maki sighed from her place in the back of the room. “I don’t particularly care, so long as it doesn’t bother me.”

“This must be the way of Atua!” Angie decided, perking up. “He has given us this gift to show how generous He is!”

“As if!” Miu spat.

Shuichi and I exchanged startled looks. Neither of us could’ve predicted this would be how things turned out. How could we? This was so far out of left field that it left us completely off our game. Our only consilience was that the mastermind surely couldn’t react to this—but that didn’t mean a whole lot when we still had to deal with this.

“Now that _that_ worthless Litten’s outta the way…” Bowser turned to _us,_ baring a grin about as menacing as Monokuma’s. “You!” He pointed to me. I jumped. _Oh God, what does he want!?_ “Tell me: this _is_ that ‘Ultimate Academy for Gifted Weirdos’ I needed to find, right!? I’ve got business to take care of, so make it snappy!”

“Hey, where do you get off talking to Kaede like that!?” Kaito exclaimed. “If you wanna pick a fight, I’ll gladly take you on—!”

“Y-Yes!” I stammered out, interrupting Kaito before he could do anything rash. “This is the Ultimate Academy! This is the place you’re looking for! Probably! Maybe!” _Sh-Shouldn’t you have asked Monokuma about that first!? And what do you mean, ‘Gifted Weirdos’!?_

“Just what I needed!” he cackled. “Now—who here’s the— _(jeez, those titles are dumb)—_ **Ultimate Maid** and **Ultimate Child Caregiver**? That’s the most important thing of all, so you better answer!”

“Kehehe… My my, this is an interesting development,” Kiyo remarked. As our eyes moved to Maki and Kirumi, he wondered, “Whatever happens here, it will surely be illuminating…”

The maid, somehow still perfectly composed, stepped forward. “I am Kirumi Tojo, the Ultimate Maid. Likewise, Maki Harukawa here—” The aforementioned girl grunted, crossing her arms. “—is the Ultimate Child Caregiver. What sort of services do you request of us?”

“You need both a Maid _and_ a Child Caregiver…?” I heard Shuichi mutter. “The only reason you’d want _specifically_ those two talents together would be…” He flinched. “Wait, you can’t be asking us—!?”

Oh no. I knew where this was going, too. “Oh, now is _so_ not the time for something like that…!” I groaned, knowing it wouldn’t do us any good.

“…hm? I hear something peculiar approaching us…” Ryoma spoke up. And now that I’m actually paying attention to that—yeah, I can hear a crowd of loud people closing in on us from outdoors. “What could it be…?”

“This is PERFECT!” Bowser exclaimed. “Alright—” He turned to the door leading to the courtyard. “ **Koopalings** —come on in! Meet the chumps you’re gonna be staying with for the next two weeks!”

All of a sudden, said door crashed open, and a string of children – as dragon and turtle-like as Bowser – burst into the cafeteria. Rainbow and pink and cyan and green hair, statures of all sizes, acting as diverse from each other as they could get – they were kind of like us, in a way, but I got the feeling that they were gonna be a _lot_ more annoying to handle.

“Gonta confused.” The would-be gentleman scratched his head. “Who are strange big turtles?”

Tsumugi’s jaw dropped even more. “N-Not them too…!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, _whoa!”_ Tenko began frantically swinging her limbs around. “Wh-Who are _these_ degenerates!?”

Keebo put a hand to his forehead. “The professor never told me stuff like this could happen…”

 _“Oh my God!”_ Monotaro clapped his paws over his cheeks. _“We’ve been **cloned!”**_

“WHO’RE YOU CALLING MORTON A CLONE!?” the greyest one took offense. “MORTON NOT CLONE! MORTON _KOOPALING!”_

_“EEEEEEEEEEP! DON’T HURT ME!”_

“Youse gotta be kiddin’ me…” Monosuke said. “Does that mean we’re ain’t original anymore!?”

“BAHAHA—looks like it!” sniggered the one with the weirdly combed tuft of cyan hair. “This whole school would be a pretty sweet fortress for us, wouldn’t it?”

The pink-bowed girl scrunched up her face. “It’s ugly, though!” she opined. “It needs some serious prettying up—I’m tempted to just smash it into jelly instead and start over!”

“Yeah! Needs more robots! And puzzles, like the ones Kuzzle solves!” The crazy-eyed green one started hopping up and down. “I want a refund! It better be a big refund, too!”

The mature(-ish) blue-haired one snorted. “Well, it’s not _entirely_ garbage. With a little work, it can look just as spectacular as my Megabad Super Battleship of Doom. Maybe it won’t be a masterpiece, like Beethoven’s compositions, but it’ll be close enough.” _Wait, he knows piano—!?_

“B-B-But—we’ve put so much work into this academy…” Monophanie wilted. “D-Don’t just insult us like that…”

“Don’t worry! We’re _masters_ in helping people out! And bashing people’s faces in!” the rainbow-haired kid… ‘reassured’ them. “We can play and play and play and _play_ and it’ll be _great!”_

 _“Grrrrrrrrrrrr!_ Don’t think this means we’ll let you take the spotlight!” Monokid screeched. “This is _our_ territory, ya hear!?”

“Yeah, well—now all your castle are belong to us!” the littlest one snidely retorted. “How do you like _that!?”_

“And if you wanna take us all on—” The one wearing sunglasses pounded a fist into his palm. “—then be our guests! I’ve been meaning to get a few kicks in, anyway!”

“BWAHAHAHAHA!” Bowser’s laugh echoed deafeningly throughout the room. “That’s my ‘lil boys and girls! C’mere, Koopalings!” As they all gathered into one huge hug, one thought shot through my mind:

_How the heck does a guy like him have **eight** different children!?_

Rantaro raised an eyebrow, looking a little nostalgic at the scene. “…so this is a family matter, huh…”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Monokuma stumble back in through the currently open door to the courtyard. There were visible bandages on his head now— _for what reason does he even **need** those???_ “Ugh… I’ve never been so embarrassed since Usami happened… Brrrrrr…” He shook off the rest of his disorientation—and proceeded to recoil at the sight. “Wh-Wh-Wh- _WHAT THE HECK!?_ WHERE DID ALL THESE INTRUDERS COME FROM!? Monokubs!” He moved to face his own offspring. “G-Go get the Exisals! We can’t let the killing game be ruined by an unsanctioned _crossover_ of all things!”

“There’s not enough room!” Monotaro protested. “There’s too many people!”

“If we bring ‘em out, we might run over some of the participants here!” Monosuke pointed out. “We can’t house a killin’ game without any potential killers!”

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr… you’re right, my sweet cubs.” Monokuma balled his paws into fists. “I can’t believe I have to let my show get taken over like this…!”

Bowser disentangled himself from his family, turning back to us. He chortled again. “Meet my terror-inspiring children, chumps! Morton, Larry, Wendy, Iggy, Ludwig, Larry, Roy, and Bowser Jr.!” Each respective Koopaling perked up at their name being called, some crazy or snide smirk on each of their faces. “And there’s a reason I’ve brought ‘em all here today, other than just to go out and cause havoc, of course!”

_Please don’t say it, **please** don’t say it…!_

“Get to know them well, you weird Fire-Emblem-kinda-looking people—‘cuz you’re gonna be babysitting them from now ‘til I get back from my odyssey with Peach!”

 **_Noooooooooooo!_ ** _He said it!_

* * *

**[Maki]**

Ugh. I’m getting a headache watching this disaster play out.

I knew this whole ‘killing game’ would be a big headache—but I didn’t think it’d get _this_ ridiculous.

Not only that, my false talent of Ultimate Child Caregiver is somehow coming back to haunt me now, of all the times. That’s not to say there isn’t a precedent; I _have_ done cared for those younger than me several times before—it’s just that… I thought anyone looking for me would request… a different alignment of services.

Under normal circumstances—and by that, I mean if I was dealing with ordinary children—I wouldn’t even think about accepting, thereby drawing these Koopalings into this killing game. But… I’m a trained assassin; I can tell that these children have definitive combat experience, and could definitely give Monokuma and the Exisals some trouble. Not to mention, the influence of their father…

Each of the other Ultimates around me were responding to this development in an explosively annoying way, except for the few that were exhibiting their reaction at more manageable volumes.

“WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT US TO _BABYSIT_ THESE VIRGINS!?”

“T-Tenko can’t deal with these degenerates! Only one of them is a girl!”

“Now _this_ is something I can get behind!” _Oh great, not that irritating brat…_ “Nee hee hee—I certainly wouldn’t mind being their partners in taking over the world!”

“Gonta… babysit? Well, gentleman should care for friends… Are little turtles friends?”

I heard somebody collapse—specifically, Tsumugi. Well, no real value was lost in that.

The most vocal outcry came from our self-appointed ‘leader’, Kaede: “B-B-But—there’s gotta be better choices than _us!”_ she tried to debate. “Only two of us are really qualified to be looking after anyone… and we’re not exactly in a good situation right now to be doing that at all!”

“What Ms. Protagonist said!” Monokuma shouted. _Ms. Protagonist? I wouldn’t call her **that.** _“I’ve got a killing game to run, buddy, so take your children and **_scram!_** That is, unless you want them to participate in it, ‘cuz after all this crap, I’ve been itching for to produce some more despair…!”

Bowser grabbed Monokuma. “Lookie here, you black-and-white _loser.”_ I heard the Monokubs individually scream out for their father. It was easy to tune them out. “I’ve been planning this for over half a year, and I don’t have infinite time or minions to spend keeping them occupied.” I can sympathize; children can be very rambunctious when they decide they want to be. “I can’t leave ‘em back at the castle when barely anyone’ll be there, and this was the best place I could find on short notice. So like _hell_ I’ll changing it now just for your sake! You and your rainbow kids are gonna take care of _my_ kids, and _you’re. Going. To. **Like. It.**_

“And one more thing, just to make sure it gets wrenched in your ugly-ass head: I’ve got a number of airships and bosses watching over you to make sure nothing goes wrong. I don’t like your face—” (“I don’t like _yours_ either,” Monokuma not-so-subtly muttered) “—and I trust it even less. If anything— _anything—_ goes wrong, and they get in hurt in _any way,_ emotionally or otherwise…” He lifted his head—and spewed out a volley of flames straight into the ceiling. It didn’t do anything other than look intimidating, though that’s… probably for the best. “…then this whole ‘school’s’ going up _in flames._ Whatever your ‘killing game’ is, I think you should stop doin’ it ‘til I’m done with business. Got it!?”

Monokuma growled. Clearly, he thought these catches were an undesirable element to have – but it wasn’t like he could do a lot about it. “Got it…” he reluctantly agreed, gritting his teeth all the way. “The killing game—and the time limit—is hereby suspended.”

“And you guys!” He pointed at all of us Ultimates, making several of us jolt up in surprise. “You better take good care of my kids, _alright!?_ Don’t make me come back and see that they’re crying—because then you’ll have to answer to _me!”_

…he cares a lot about them.

_~~Just like I care a lot about my orphanage.~~ _

“Do not fear,” Kirumi stated calmly. “I have handled this type of task before—if you desire that I should handle such responsibilities, I am very willing to do so.”

I sighed, playing with my pigtails. I guess I should give my own answer. “If that’s what you want, then… not much we can do about it, I suppose. As the Ultimate Child Caregiver—” (a title I’m definitely not worthy of) “—I can’t exactly refuse.”

“…so we’re really gonna do this, huh?” Kaede quietly asked.

“Looks like it,” Shuichi replied, pulling his cap down. “At least it’ll stop the killing game for a little while…”

…I wonder if that army Bowser claims to have is real. It’d certainly be a large deterrent, even with the type of resources Monokuma has on hand…

“Good to see you know you’re willing to get the job done, chumps! You’re already better than half my minions!” …is that a compliment? “You know the deal: make sure they’re safe without them burning the whole place down, and you’re as good as a 1-Up ‘Shroom! Simple as that! Now if you’ll excuse me…” The presumed king spun around once—and in a plume of purple smoke, suddenly began wearing [this excessively fanciful white tuxedo and a top hat adorned with what looked like his own face.](https://www.mariowiki.com/images/e/ea/SMO_Art_-_Bowser.png) I raised an eyebrow—is _that_ why he took his children here? “…I’ve got a **marriage** to prepare for! Peach is gonna be mine, whether she wants it or not! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He jumped into a portal opening above his head, bidding us farewell and saying, “Don’t wreak too much mayhem now, kids!”

 **“Go, Dad!”** each of the Koopalings said, not quite in sync.

…

…

…

“…hey! Why does _he_ get to wear something like that and _I_ don’t!?” Kokichi inexplicably complained. And this got everyone shouting at the top of their lungs, so much so that it became nearly impossible to make out what anyone was saying.

I put my face into my palms. This is… great.

Eight more headaches to deal with the dozen-or-so ones that already exist. _That’s_ just what I needed in the middle of a situation like this. And all of them are likely to be looking to _me_ to take care of it, due to the talent that’s listed on my Monopad profile.

I felt a hand place itself on my shoulder. “You shouldn’t fear, Maki,” Kirumi told me. “This is a mission for the both of us: I am gladly willing to devote time to assisting you with it.”

“That’s… a relief,” I admitted. I looked to the Koopalings, who all looked incredibly curious about the environment they had found themselves in, with that childlike wonder I was more than familiar with. Combine that with our equally-as-chaotic captors and our colorful cast of characters, and we have a recipe for a never-ending nuisance on the brain. “…I’m not sure how much of this I’ll be able to handle alone, if at all.” All I can say is… it’s going to be a long, _long_ two weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> (No, this _wasn’t_ just written to have that dumb _Yoshi’s New Island_ reference, why do you ask?)
> 
> Okay, I admit – this idea was born purely out of crack. I knew that Maki’s ‘talent’ is the Ultimate Child Caregiver, and Kirumi’s is the Ultimate Maid – and immediately my mind came up with the Koopalings. That’s a pretty tenuous jump in logic, but it’s hilarious enough for me to still go through with it. Fast forward several months later, and here we are.
> 
> The idea for this fic is as follows: the Killing Game gets ‘delayed’ due to Bowser’s threat, and as such, _Danganronpa V3_ becomes a glorified **Dangan Salmon Team** for two weeks – just with the added bonus of eight Koopalings causing more chaos than the Monokubs could ever hope to pull off. (Which, of course, would mean opening up post-Trial areas far earlier than they’re supposed to be.) I’d prefer for it to be something of a slice-of-life story, as anything else with _these_ characters would just be… not very suitable.
> 
> As of currently, this fic isn’t gonna be anything more than a one-shot. I have way too much on my plate to really think about adding this onto my roster of full fics, but I hope that this taste of crack will be enough to satisfy you guys. If it’s not… uhh, try writing this yourself? I’m not amiss to seeing others continue developing this idea. If you want to go for it—I’m game!
> 
> Well, that’s all for now – thanks for reading, and see you guys around!


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